Reparative therapy or the ex-gay movement as it’s called gets a lot of attention. I guess it should, it’s every fundamental Christians dry dream.
I’ve heard of some organizations out there that specialize in reparative therapy. All of them Christian based. Why Christian based? Because the APA (American Psychological Association) doesn’t have a problem with homosexuality. Therefore it must fall to the Christians to have the problem with homosexuality and ‘fix’ it.
Some of the organizations are: Focus on the Family (who knew?), Love in action (the first ex-gay group), and Exodus.
The Exodus site has some statements on it, one is Life is bigger than your sexual orientation. Well no shit, except that is what people on that site want to change about me. If life is bigger than my sexual orientation why make such a huge deal out of it? Another one is: God loves you and accepts you the way you are today. What they are leaving out is except for the homosexual thing that you aren’t really bigger than.
In all the research I’ve done it’s the Christian sites that are against homosexuality and see it as a problem. No surprise there. What did surprise me was/is their idea of reparative therapy. For example of course it involves prayer, but exorcism, drinking Gatorade to make you more manly, and throwing out your Calvin Kline underwear because they are too gay? Come on, seriously?
No wonder the American Psychiatric Association, American Medical Association, and the American Association of Pediatrics disagree with this.
Are Christian’s this naive in their faith that they think that changing someone’s underwear can change their sexual orientation?
Does reparative therapy work? Hmmm good question. The short answer is “no.” The long Christian answer is, if the person returns to the homosexual life style they didn’t pray hard enough, or submit themselves fully to God’s will. Talk about a guilt trip. Perhaps that’s why suicide attempts for ‘ex-gays’ aren’t that uncommon.
John Paulk was an ex-gay. He was on the board of Exodus, and was involved in Focus on the family. His wife is an ex-lesbian. Lo and behold John Paulk was caught in a gay bar in 2000. In 2003 he resigned from Focus on the Family to focus on his family. Imagine that.
Then there was Colin Cook who founded Homosexuals anonymous. He got the boot from his organization because he was having sex with the men he was counseling. He was doing this for six years. Very unchristian like.
Does that sound like a happy “God changed me.” type person? Also ex-gay ministries don’t keep statistics. They don’t want to ‘dwell on the past.’ Also if the gay individual abstains from sex the ministries consider this a success. That’s sort of like a drug addict saying they aren’t a drug addict because they don’t use. Rigggghhht.
The average life span of an ex-gay organization is five years. Five years then it’s kaput. Is that a high failure rate? That the change to heterosexuality is so low that these ‘ministries’ can’t even stay open. That it’s a choice that no one can really change their minds? Does God not look out for them enough? Does God not care about what they are doing, trying to save the poor lost gays?
So when ever someone mentions to me that they know an ex-gay I just want to say you know someone who is depressed. Someone who is afraid of letting you down, and God. Because Christianity is based on pleasing God when it comes to being a ex-gay. Give em five years they’ll come out of the closet again. Or commit suicide.
Filed under: Christianity | Tagged: Christianity, ex-gay, Exodus, gay, Lesbian, queer, religion, reparative therapy
“The long Christian answer is, if the person returns to the homosexual life style they didn’t pray hard enough, or submit themselves fully to God’s will. Talk about a guilt trip. Perhaps that’s why suicide attempts for ‘ex-gays’ aren’t that uncommon.”
You are right and I just hate that for people. People feeling like they are not good enough to stay in a relationship with God unless they change their sexuality.
I use to be an “ex-gay”. Exodus.
It’s usually the “world” that expects people to fit into a certain image or mole, Exodus and Christians included.
God works and thinks so much differently than we do.
Ya know, funny you bring that up…I was thinking
about that just today….I can’t wrap my mind around
trying to change a person that’s gay…It’s not like
they’re broken….They aren’t mental….It doesn’t even
work….I would rather my child be gay and not going
to church then be dead because they went to one.
Ex-gay my butt….
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Are Christian’s this naive in their faith that they think that changing someone’s underwear can change their sexual orientation?”
I had to laugh at this one. Since I accepted being gay I’ve started wearing underwear that is waaay more feminine than I used to. And it hasn’t straightened, (pun intended) me out any.
Great post. I hurt when I think of all of the real damage being done to people because of the belief that gay is wrong and needs to be changed.
i never heard of homosexuals anonymous but it sounds ridiculous. being gay is not something to be ashamed of nor cured.
hello there, i kind of stumbled upon this website and this post and i am very humbled and am thinking about what you’ve said here. i’ve been a christian for many years now, and even so i still retain a group of friends that is 90% homosexual, im not sure why, i just tend to get along with fantastic gay men and wonderful lesbian women more than anyone else.
of course i’ve come across tensions within my own faith, and i’ve watched people and organizations that call themselves christian set out to judge and manipulate people, all in God’s name, and Ive watched them abuse and damage people in the process.
i dont have all the answers, i do know that the bible, which i believe to be the word of God, says clearly that homosexuality is a sin, i ALSO know that we are all sinners and NONE of us can please God with our actions and behaviours so it would be absolutely USELESS for christians to go aorund judging and condemning other people because we ourselves have been saved by GRACE not by our own works.
that is the WHOLE premise of my faith, that Jesus died on the cross as an act of GRACE so that even though we are ALL unfit for the kingdom of God, because of his love, we can have a relationship with him EXACTLY how you are.
im sorry if you have been hurt by the church, i’m sorry about people acting under the name of God who abuse and belittle. please know that my God is a God of love and grace, and although i dont have all the answers i know that he CREATED us the way he are, everyhting unique, everything beautiful comes from him, and i know that he is the only hope for me, so i encourage you not to rule him out of life altogether.
take heart, you dont have to “please” anyone.
Hello Ceara,
I read your post and thought I’d share some of my thoughts with you.
I know many ex-gays who are happy in their straight lives. Some still struggle with the desires of same sex attraction. We all on some level have a sin that we struggle with day to day.
It is easy to give into sin. It is tiring to fight day after day to remain faithful to what God asks. People often do give into their sinful desires. I know there are times that I do.
Part of being ex-gay is surrounding yourself with devote Christians who will hold you accountable. Part of being held accountable is willing to be open with your struggles. When someone who is ex-gay is able to talk to the people around them about their struggles and confess their impure thoughts they can remain on the righteous path.
Becoming ex-gay isn’t often an over night change. It can take many, many years to become fully straight. In those years people my reengage in same sex relationships. It is my job as a Christian to not reject them but to continue to help them.
Ceara, there is a stage of depression that often accompanies being ex-gay. It is hard to accept for some people that being gay is a lie from the pits of hell. Still, some others find that it is lonely for a while due to giving up their sexual choice. This is because they have to give up friends that they have known, places they used to go, and so much more. It is a sacrifice that they are making of themselves because they love God and want to do as God asks.
Someone who is struggling with homosexuality and wanting and willing to give up those desires must be surrounded by people at all times. This is so the person who is leaving the homosexual life style feels supported and cared for. This support and surrounding of the person leads to a less chance of a return to the sinful life style.
Ceara, we can talk about demons and demon possession at another time. I believe that talking about demons is a heavy subject that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
Take care,
The Sentinel
thanks for this great post filled with info and lots of humor.
[...] (The Lesbian Said What??) in a post entitled Reparative Therapy gives a brief history of some the most public failures of the Ex-Gay Movement and provides wry [...]
STEPHANIE–I don’t want this to come across sounding argumentative. I couldn’t think of another way to phrase my question. How does someone know how God thinks and works? I guess another way is as many people who worship God isn’t there that many views of God?
LAURIE–The sad thing is I think some parents are so afraid of having a queer child that they would do anything to avoid it. In avoiding it parents don’t realize the devastating harm it can cause.
WVHILL–I hear you. If it was as easy as wearing a lacy bra and nice panties I think there would be a lot less lesbians out there. As for man underwear I think all make is underwear is pretty manly. I didn’t know a certain label on underwear made it more ‘gay’. May be gay men who want to be straight should sue Calvin Klien for making them gay.
QUEERUNITY–Here!! Here!! It’s sad that some Christians try and lay a mantel of shame on people.
MICHEALA–Thank you for taking the time to read the blog. Another thank you for taking time to post a reply.
I don’t identify as a Christian. But I do know that there are many Christians out there who are accepting of queer people.
Thank you for being one of those Christians.
I’m no bible whiz myself. I along with many other folks do know the bible verses used to justify being queer as a sin. We also know what it’s like to be beaten to with in an inch of our spiritual lives with them.
I just want to encourage you to continue to be accepting of the GLBT community in your faith. I know it must be hard for you as a christian to do so at times.
SENTINEL–Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.
I do understand that some people desire to try and change their sexual orientation and seek out help. I often wonder where this desire comes from though?.
P2SON–Thank you for coming by and reading the blog. Glad you caught my humor. lol. It is sometimes lost on folks.
You all take care.
C.
Ceara-
You didn’t sound argumentive at all.
Although I do believe God has shown a lot of himself to us through Jesus, the love, the teachings and the life of Jesus, I don’t think any one us can truly know exactly who and how God works.
But I guess the bigger point I was trying to make is when someone tells us we need to be a certain way or look a certain way because it is God’s way, we should be very cautious of that.
Ceara,
The desire to seek out help comes from realizing we are helpless. It is a realization that we cannot continue in our sin and have a growing relationship with God. It is also a realization that we cannot over come our sin nature without help.
Many gay and lesbians have been sexually abused, or assaulted in their lives. It is this abuse that has caused the sexual confusion and turmoil in their lives. Often what they are seeking is help with those traumatic issues. Once those issues have been fully addressed, sexual healing can begin.
It is a desire for wholeness that leads someone to seek counseling for being a homosexual.
The Sentinel
STEPHANIE–I agree. I’m not a big fan of people of a certain religion must look a certain way.
THE SENTINEL–While there are a lot of gay and lesbian people who have been sexual abused/assaulted there are also a lot of straight people that have suffered abuse also.
I think the goal should be to help people heal from abuse.
C.
C, I agree that the goal of such counseling should be to help people heal from abuse, not try to change their sexual orientation.
Sentinel, Statistically, gay men and lesbians are sexually abused as children at the same rate as heterosexuals. The idea that sexual abuse causes homosexuality is simply incorrect. As adults gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered individuals are frequently targeted for sexual violence due to the rampant homophobia in our society. This does not make them any more gay than they already were.
Sexual abuse and sexual assault are not about sex. Sexual violence is just that–violence. It doesn’t make people gay. Studies have shown this time and time again. There is no empirical evidence for this belief.
Meg